The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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