seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I could make wine with my vomit
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
