I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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