My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My feet surprised me
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