i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
