Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
