I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We are two peas in an std pod
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
