My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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