Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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