Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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