this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
