you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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