We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
