You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
