nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
