Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
