Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
