He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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