I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
