I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
