Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
