ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We have started to decorate penises.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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