I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
