God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize