we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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