I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
