I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
