it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
