the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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