am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
