how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
