she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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