I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
