My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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