Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
