Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
