I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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