broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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