oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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