Me too!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
