I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't deserve a penis
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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