I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
