i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize