I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
