Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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