just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
