I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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