I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
