five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
