This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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