You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
